


dandelion.

by sxftmelody



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, flowermaiden au, sorry hjsfdjsdjfd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxftmelody/pseuds/sxftmelody
Summary: Jungeun’s plagued with a beautifully tragic disease. She intends on keeping Jinsol away from the corruption at all costs.





	dandelion.

**Author's Note:**

> this is (roughly) based off of the manga ‘moonlight garden’ however i tweak some stuff in the disease so it’ll fit into my fic.

Jungeun does it because she wants to live (and because it’s much too painful to go without).

 

The curse (what her mother had called it before passing away) has been in the family for generations upon generations. It’s died out in other families but is, unfortunately, very much alive in hers. For years, women have been plagued with this  **disease** —though it’s most commonly known as being a flower maiden.

 

When you are born as a flower maiden, a flower is randomly assigned to you at birth and will mark you upon the day you hit puberty. 

 

Slowly, the flower wraps around your skin, painting an image that would most likely be considered beautiful if it weren’t so damn tragic. The process is painless in the years of adolescence, only resulting in a few vines along your shoulder blades. The image of a seed is engraved on the back of your neck just before you officially become an adult.

 

When you become an adult, you must relieve the oncoming pain of blooming cycles through the bedding of females. 

 

Jungeun’s been doing it for years and has found it relatively easy to do, considering she  _ is _ around the age in which people party all the time and have scandalous one-night-stands, but it’s become much too  **boring** . 

 

When she feels the sharp pain dancing across her skin late at night, she’s quick to get up and walk to the nearest club or party. It takes her no longer than ten minutes to find a suitable girl and have sex with her. 

 

It’s a rinse and repeat situation that gets lackluster.

 

_ Surely this is no way to live, but it is the  _ **_only_ ** _ way. _

 

—

 

Twenty-one year old Kim Jungeun is a mystery to everyone on campus,  **including** Jung Jinsol, who once believed that she knew the majority of the college population. 

 

All that’s known about Jungeun is that she’s a Psychology major and that she sleeps with a lot of girls. No one’s close to her and she isn’t close to anybody—which shocked Jinsol when she first heard about it. She couldn’t believe it at first—surely Jungeun has  **some** friends, right?

 

_ Wrong. _

 

Every time Jinsol’s seen her around campus, Jungeun’s alone, books tucked between her arms and earbuds plugged into her ears. Since Jinsol’s first seen Jungeun, she’s been wanting to gather the courage to go up and talk to the girl, but as much of a social butterfly as she is, something about Jungeun makes her nervous.

 

( _ Rightfully so. _ )

 

Sooyoung tells Jinsol to give it up because Jungeun’s never going to bat an eyelash in her direction, but Jinsol refuses to believe that. When she looks at Jungeun, she doesn’t see the cold player everyone else sees—she sees someone who’s just lonely.

 

_ Then again, Sooyoung also tells Jinsol that she has a heart of a  _ **_golden retriever puppy_ ** _. _

 

—

 

_ This is my  _ **_chance_ ** _. C’mon, Jinsol. Just go up and talk to her. What’s the worst that could happen? She ignores you? You can just walk away after that. Just go up and— _

 

“ **Jesus** , Jinsol,” Sooyoung shoves her friend by the shoulder, making the liquid in the blonde’s drink topple over the tip of the cup and drip down her hand, “just  **go** .”

 

Jinsol sneers at her so-called  _ best friend _ and turns on her heel. She takes a deep breath. 

 

_ You can do this. You can do this.  _ **_You’re_ ** _ the upperclassman here, dammit! _

 

With a final sigh, she heads over to the girl in ripped jean shorts and a tight red tank top. 

 

Jungeun’s watching the rest of the party-goers, smoky eyes scanning the crowd but making no move to interact with anyone. 

 

In the dim lighting, Jinsol can barely make out the flower tattoo that lines Jungeun’s left shoulder, intricate and simple at the same time in its design. It disappears beneath her clothing, giving the impression that it continues on throughout her body. 

 

When Jinsol nears Jungeun, Jungeun’s eyes snap away from the crowd on the dance-floor and lock onto Jinsol’s.

 

“Having fun?” Jinsol asks before she immediately wants to punch herself in the face because it’s clear to anyone within a mile degree radius that Jungeun was, in fact,  _ bored out of her mind _ . Hell, she’s been leaning on this damn wall for the entire ten minutes Jinsol’s been trying to gather the courage to go over and talk to her.

 

A snort’s heard in reply, “ _ Sure _ , if  **this** is what you consider fun,” Jungeun gestures vaguely towards the mass of humans sweatily grinding against each other, red lips curling upwards into a smirk as she eyes Jinsol up and down.

 

“Uhh…  _ right _ ,” Jinsol takes a quick glance around, unaware of Jungeun’s travelling eyes, before she looks back at Jungeun with a grin, “Want to go have some **actual** fun, then?”

 

Jungeun looks at the girl with a raised eyebrow, a bit surprised at the offer. She’s noticed Jinsol before—a beauty like  **that** can’t ignored—but she’s  **never** seen Jinsol leave a party with someone else—at least, not in  **that** way. She just doesn’t seem the type for a quick fuck.

 

“I know a twenty-four hour ramen shop nearby,” Jinsol says, easily destroying Jungeun’s train of thought. She holds out a hand for Jungeun to take. 

 

_ See? Jinsol isn’t the type. _

 

“No thanks,” Jungeun shakes her head, eyeing the girl’s hand, “I’ve already eaten.”

 

“Have you?” Jinsol drops her hand but raises both of her eyebrows in suspicion, “I guess I can’t force you to go with me. Though, I was more interested in learning about you than I am in eating ramen.”

 

“And why’s that?” Jungeun asks, eyes scanning Jinsol’s face in an attempt to find any hint of lust or malice. 

 

She finds none.

 

“Because you intrigue me,” Jinsol replies honestly, nervousness etched across her facial features despite the kind smile on her lips, “ _ and _ I’ve been plucking up the courage to talk to you for the past  **two** years.”

 

Warning signs go off in Jungeun’s brain as she watches the girl’s eyes flicker to the ground. Alarms of all kinds ring at max volume as Jinsol awkwardly fiddles with the cup in her hand. Jungeun ignores them.

 

She pushes herself off against the wall she’d been leaning on, “Let’s go,” she says.

 

Jinsol’s face, although surprised at first, breaks out into a bright smile.

 

-

 

“ _ So _ , I knew you were bored as hell at the party,” Jinsol says suddenly as they walk down the empty sidewalk together. She has her hands stuff into the pockets of her sweater, eyes on the ground, “I asked if you were having fun because it was the first thing that popped into my head,” Jungeun watches as Jinsol looks up at the moon with a bashful smile on her face, “and I wanted to beat my own ass after I asked it.”

 

The last sentence makes Jungeun laugh quietly. Jinsol’s eyes snap over to her, a small twinkle in them as Jungeun shakes her head, “Who said I was bored as hell?”

 

Jinsol’s left eyebrow quirks up, “Were you not?” she challenges.

 

Jungeun turns her head so she’s staring at the road in front of her instead of at Jinsol. She shrugs and crosses her arms over her chest, “I usually don’t stay at parties for long. I don’t dance or drink or talk to anyone.”

 

“Then what’s the point in going to a party?” Jinsol asks, eyebrows knitting together. Jungeun spares her a ‘ _ are you serious? _ ’ glance and then Jinsol’s eyes widen, her steps pausing, “ _ Oh _ .”

 

Jungeun smirks and continues walking. Jinsol’s quick steps against the sidewalk can be heard as she rushes to catch up to Jungeun, whose smirk has dimmed down to a small smile. It looks a little sad, if Jinsol’s seeing correctly.

 

“You still find me  _ intriguing _ ?” Jungeun asks. Her tone is a lot tenser than it had been moments before.

 

“Well,  _ duh _ ,” Jinsol replies easily. 

 

Jungeun looks at her, “You don’t think I’m some…  _ fuckgirl _ ?”

 

“To each their own,” the blonde girl shrugs, “besides, I’m interested in you as a person and if who you are includes someone who enjoys sex then— _ so be it _ .”

 

Jungeun stares at the girl, eyes flickering between the older girl’s, unsure of what to say in response. Jinsol’s eyes fall lower and for half-a-second Jungeun thinks Jinsol’s staring at her chest, but she’s not—she’s staring at Jungeun’s crossed arms.

 

Jinsol jumps, as if realizing something, and starts to peel off her black sweater, “Are you cold? Here,” she pulls it over her head and hands it to Jungeun, who blinks at her, “I have a long-sleeve on and you only have a tank top,” she shakes the sweater, “take it.”

 

Jungeun looks at the article of clothing before looking back at Jinsol, whose dimple is showing with the way her lips are curved in the smallest smile. She takes the sweater hesitantly and slips it on, immediately engulfed with a smell so uniquely  **Jinsol** ; a mix of lavender laundry detergent and coconut oil. She pulls the hood off of her head and offers Jinsol a smile.

 

“Thanks,” she mumbles, ignoring the prickling sensation spreading across her lower back, “is the ramen shop near?”

 

“Just around the corner,” Jinsol nods her head, starting to walk again, “c’mon.”

 

-

 

Jungeun’s whole back feels like it’s being stabbed with a million pins and needles but she endures it and, surprisingly, finds it easier to endure the more she stares at Jinsol’s smile.

 

“You’re an only child?” Jinsol asks as they sit down with a bowl of ramen between them.

 

“No,” Jungeun shakes her head, “I have a younger sister named Yerim. She’s adopted.”

 

“Are  _ you  _ adopted?” Jinsol questions before widening her eyes and shaking her head, “Oops. Shit, sorry, that was inappropriate of me to ask.”

 

“It’s alright,” Jungeun smiles at the girl’s panicked voice, “I’m not adopted.”

 

“Ah,” Jinsol calms down, nodding her head as she looks at the steam rising from the bowl, “I’m an only child.”

 

The conversation hits a pause as Jungeun watches Jinsol gather a spoonful of noodles. She chuckles at the concentration on the girl’s face as Jinsol attempts to perfectly place all of the noodles wrapped around her chopsticks onto the spoon. After managing to do so successfully, Jinsol holds the spoon out to Jungeun.

 

“Ah,” she says, eyebrows raised in expectation.

 

Jungeun, caught off-guard, feels her cheeks warm up (that hasn’t happened in  **years** ). She moves forward and takes the spoon into her mouth, chewing slowly as Jinsol gazes at her.

 

“Good?” Jinsol asks.

 

Jungeun nods and Jinsol seems pleased with herself as she hums, gathering a spoon for herself.

 

“Was being an only child lonely for you? Jungeun questions, a bit amazed at the fact that she’s bothered trying to create conversation with the girl across from her.

 

Jinsol laughs and shakes her head, “I’ve had a  **lot** of pet fish,” she says and Jungeun swears she’s not even  **trying** to smile, but her lips just keep making curving upwards whenever Jinsol speaks, “and I was pretty close to the kids in my neighborhood. It was like they were my siblings, in a… weird Sandlot-esque way.”

 

“Sandlot-esque,” Jungeun repeats with a grin as Jinsol stuffs the noodles into her mouth, “that’s cute.”

 

Jinsol playfully narrows her eyes at Jungeun, slurping the soup from her spoon noisily.

 

It makes Jungeun laugh again and then there’s that same glint in Jinsol’s eyes that Jungeun had seen earlier on the sidewalk.

 

-

 

Jinsol walks Jungeun back to her dorm on campus and bids her a goodnight (even though it’s almost three in the morning) after she gets the younger girl’s phone number. 

 

By the time Jungeun realizes she’s still wearing Jinsol’s sweater, Jinsol’s already out of the building.

 

When she’s in the privacy of her dorm, she tugs the sweater over her head and tosses it onto her bed before she exits the doorway she’d just entered, desperate to get rid of the pain crawling across her skin.

 

—

 

It’s been a month since their first real interaction and the two have gotten much closer. 

 

Jinsol isn’t scared to walk up to Jungeun when she spots her on campus anymore, and Jungeun greets her with a small smile every time, pulling the earbuds out of her ears whenever she spots the blonde girl walking towards her.

 

This time, it’s at their campus cafeteria.

 

Jungeun’s so focused on the paper in front of her that she only notices Jinsol when the girl comes up and unplugs the earbud from her ear. Usually, Jungeun would be  **pissed** at whoever did that to her and her precious music, but she looks up to see Jinsol’s smiling face and immediately the anger dissipates into thin air, a blanket of comfortability washing over her.

 

“What’s up, frowny?” Jinsol asks, plopping into the seat next to her and poking Jungeun’s cheek.

 

“ _ Frowny _ ?” Jungeun repeats as she gathers the papers on the table into one neat pile.

 

“You were frowning,” Jinsol points out, “but you’re smiling now. Is this my impact?”

 

Jungeun can’t help the small chuckle that leaves her lips at how proud Jinsol sounds.

 

_ You  _ **_should_ ** _ be proud _ .

 

“I’m just stressing over midterms, like _ every other student here _ ,” Jungeun gestures around the packed cafeteria where students are gathered with their notes and laptops. Jinsol’s grin doesn’t dim the slightest.

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

“Jinsol, I’m  **studying** ,” Jungeun sighs because Jinsol just starts packing up her stuff for her.

 

“You haven’t eaten—I can tell,” Jinsol slides the papers into Jungeun’s folder and stuffs the folder into Jungeun’s backpack, “let’s go.”

 

“ _ Seriously… _ ” Jungeun mumbles under her breath, getting up from her seat. Jinsol slips the backpack straps onto Jungeun’s shoulders as if she were a little kid who needed help with such a task.

 

“Are you down for some pizza?” Jinsol asks as she fixes the collar of Jungeun’s button-up shirt. Jungeun briefly wonders how the scene must look from afar; Jung Jinsol and Kim Jungeun hanging out together and being… touchy. There had already been a lot of rumors going around when Jinsol had first approached her on campus after their ramen night about how the two were dating now… but the rumors were immediately squashed when Jungeun had sex with some upperclassman the day after they’d been speculated.

 

Jinsol finishes straightening Jungeun’s collar and grins at her as Jungeun narrows her eyes.

 

“Fine,” Jungeun huffs but there’s a smile on her lips. Jinsol wraps an arm around her shoulder and tugs her along.

 

-

 

Jungeun sees her one-night-stands all the time around campus. Most of them don’t spare her a second glance and if they do, it’s only because they want to spend  _ another _ night with her. Jungeun tries to avoid sleeping with the same girl more than once but sometimes things can’t be helped, especially with a limited population pool.

 

So, when Jungeun walks into the pizza place with Jinsol and she spots a whole group of girls she’s slept with before, she feels her stomach drop. 

 

She masks her discomfort though, because Jinsol’s arm is still holding her close and it’s more anchoring than anything else in her world. It’s clear when the group of girls notice Jungeun because they all stare and whisper about who the blonde girl she’s with is.

 

“Just cheese good with you?” Jinsol asks as they walk up to the counter.

 

“Just cheese is  **boring** ,” Jungeun says, “put black olives on it.”

 

“Whatever you say, your  _ majesty _ ,” Jinsol drawls as she removes her arm from Jungeun and pulls out her wallet. Jungeun sticks close to Jinsol’s side as the older girl orders. They wait for their pizza in one of the booths and Jinsol looks around, “do you want to eat here?”

 

“Where else would we eat?” Jungeun questions.

 

“My dorm?” Jinsol suggests, “Sooyoung’s out with her girlfriend all day.”

 

Jungeun’s eyes widen the slightest bit, “Is this your way of coming on to me?”

 

“What?  _ No _ ,” Jinsol replies immediately and Jungeun feels a bit of relief flood her system, though her heart does a flip at the pink tinge on Jinsol’s cheeks, “it’s just that I noticed those  _ girls _ ,” her eyes flicker to the left before focusing back on Jungeun, “staring at you. I figured you’d be more comfortable someplace else.”

 

“And you wouldn’t mind bringing me back to your dorm room?”

 

Jinsol sighs, “Jeez, Jungeun, if you wanted to have sex with me so bad, you’d have done it already. Besides, we’re just going to eat pizza and  _ maybe  _ watch a movie.”

 

“Okay,” Jungeun says, her heart fluttering, “we can go to your dorm room, then.”

 

They talk for a bit, about upcoming essays and exams, before their order is ready.

 

Jinsol holds it as they walk out the pizza place together. They pass by the table of girls and Jungeun tries not to show how awkward she feels.

 

“Jungeun,” one of them calls out.

 

_ Shit _ .

 

Jungeun turns on her heel and tilts her head to the side as a form of response.

 

“There’s a party tonight. My place,” the girl with light brown hair says, “you going to come?”

 

Jungeun doesn’t like the look she sees in the girl’s eyes. She’s looking at Jungeun like she knows Jungeun’s going to say yes—but Jungeun isn’t going to say yes. Her cycle isn’t due until another day or so. 

 

“Can’t,” Jungeun replies shortly, “I gotta study. Let’s go, Jinsol.”

 

-

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Jinsol says as she picks off the black olives on her pizza and adds them onto the pizza Jungeun has on her plate.

 

“You just did,” Jungeun says, watching as Jinsol stacks the olives like a tower, “what are you  _ doing _ ?” she laughs, gently swatting away Jinsol’s hand and scattering the olives.

 

Jinsol giggles before moving away, “I was going to ask when you got your tattoo done.”

 

“Huh?” Jungeun replies.

 

“The flowers,” Jinsol clarifies, “when’d you get them done?”

 

“Oh,” Jungeun says in realization, letting out a small cough, “when I was eighteen.”

 

“Wow,” Jinsol raises her eyebrows, “ _ That _ young? Did it hurt?”

 

Jungeun scoffs, “You have  _ no idea _ .”

 

“Ouch,”

 

“Yeah,” Jungeun looks at Jinsol’s side-profile, eyes roaming every inch of the girl’s face as she nods slowly, “ _ ouch _ .”

 

—

 

Jinsol and Jungeun sit on the grass with their laptops in their lap. Jungeun had initially refused Jinsol’s offer to study outside but that made Jinsol start to pout and Jungeun  **really** couldn’t stand it— _ so here they are. _

 

“It’s so nice outside,” Jinsol hums, taking in a deep breath.

 

Jungeun scrunches up her nose, “There are ants everywhere,” she says, flicking one of the insects off of her pants.

 

“Yeah, but look on the bright side,” Jinsol turns around and reaches for a dandelion nearby, plucking it from the grass and holding it out to Jungeun with a grin, “it’s better than being stuck inside all day.”

 

Jungeun takes the yellow flower and gives Jinsol a look, “You just handed me a  **weed** ,” she deadpans.

 

Jinsol lets out a laugh and shakes her head, “It’s a  **pretty** weed!”

 

—

 

It’s three in the morning and Jungeun’s woken in the middle of the night for no reason and she can’t seem to fall back asleep. She huffs and tosses and turns in bed, hoping to tire herself out but to no avail. 

 

She gives up and grabs her phone that’s charging on the bedside table, opening it up and clicking on Instagram. She doesn’t think much of it when she likes Jinsol’s photo because she quickly scrolls down to another picture.

 

However, Jinsol texts her a few minutes later.

 

**[soul]: wtf are you doing up**

 

Jungeun smiles.

 

**[jungie]: woke up randomly. couldn’t go back to sleep**

**[soul]: and you think being on your phone is gonna help? >:(**

**[jungie]: you’re one to talk. what are YOU doing up?**

**[soul]: i’m usually up at this time…**

**[soul]: call me!**

 

Jungeun does as she’s told. The phone rings only once before it’s picked up.

 

“Hey,” Jinsol’s voice greets her. Jungeun feels a pressure settle comfortably on top of her chest, blooming into her stomach. She wonders if Jinsol feels the same thing.

  
  
  
  


“Hey,” Jungeun replies back.

 

—

 

It’s nice, Jungeun thinks, to have someone that doesn’t expect physical gratification from you. It’s nice to just have someone who enjoys your company (though she isn’t sure  **why** Jinsol seems to like her so much). It’s nice to see someone’s face light up just because you’ve made eye contact with them.

 

Jungeun’s never had anyone like Jinsol before. 

 

She doesn’t want to lose Jinsol.

 

—

 

It’s kind of nerve-wracking the next time Jungeun sees Jinsol at a party. She’s with her friend, Sooyoung, as always and Jungeun’s alone— _ as always _ . When she spots the familiar blonde girl, she immediately turns the other way, hoping not to be spotted. It’s too late though because Jungeun can hear Jinsol call out to her despite the loud booming music (she’s always able to pick out Jinsol’s voice like this) and Jungeun tries to fasten her steps. 

 

Jungeun only turns around and stops walking when Jinsol takes hold of her wrist, eyebrows raised.

 

“Hey, you didn’t hear me?” Jinsol asks, eyes flickering between Jungeun’s.

 

Jungeun plays dumb, “What? No, I didn’t,” she replies, smiling, “I didn’t even know you were here.”

 

It’s a lie. Jungeun’s seen Jinsol walk through the front doors.

 

“Yeah, I just got here with Sooyoung,” Jinsol says, grip moving from Jungeun’s wrist to the girl’s hand, loosely interlocking with her fingers. Jungeun’s heart jumps to her throat and she can feel her back start to sting. Jinsol eyes her, “do you want to come join us?”

 

“I can’t,” Jungeun shakes her head, looking around the party, hoping to make eye contact with someone— **anyone** . Her heartbeat’s racing with the way Jinsol’s looking at her.

 

“Ah, you trying to find someone to do the dirty with?” Jungeun’s hand feels cold as Jinsol lets go of her. She tries to believe that she’s just imagining the disappointment in Jinsol’s voice but when she looks back at the older girl and finds a hint of hurt in her eyes, her heart splits into two. Jinsol musters up a smile, “I’ll let you go do your  **thing** .”

 

Jinsol laughs but it’s humorless—and Jungeun can only watch her retreating figure disappear into the crowd, leaving her skin burning and heart stopping.

 

-

 

Jungeun wishes it were Jinsol with her that night, wrapped in her arms. She wills the thought away but knows that she’s in  **deep shit** . 

 

**_She loves her._ **

 

—

 

Jinsol didn’t think she’d end up liking Jungeun the way she did now. She didn’t think she’d fall for someone quite so unattainable—but she has, and it  **hurts** .

 

She wants her feelings to go away because she wants to be able to spend time with Jungeun without the ache in her heart telling her to either kiss her or run away from her. She doesn’t want to have to cry every time she sees Jungeun leave a party with some random girl. She feels bad for Sooyoung who has to wipe her tears away, telling Jinsol that she deserves someone who loves her.

 

Except Jinsol thinks that Jungeun  **does** love her. There are so many telltale signs that show Jungeun’s feelings. Jinsol sees the adoration and care Jungeun has for her every time they make eye contact, spots the look of guilt that flashes across her face whenever Jinsol brings up something about Jungeun having sex. 

 

She can feel Jungeun’s pulse race whenever Jinsol’s thumb runs over the vein near Jungeun’s wrist, can see the red tips of Jungeun’s ears poking out from beneath brown hair.

 

Jungeun has feelings for her, too. It’s all  **so obvious** —but there’s one thing that isn’t so obvious; the reason why Jungeun  **refuses** to move past the dark, bold line of friendship that’s become smeared and blurred with each passing second the two spend together. 

 

Jinsol wants to figure it out—wants to figure  **her** out—but she can’t. Every time she tries to bring up conversation involving the potential of their relationship, Jungeun shrugs the conversation off. It’s been getting to Jinsol’s head, really—to the point where she stays up late at night, thinking about who’s in Jungeun’s bed and why Jinsol isn’t the one there when the clues all point to  **her** as the one Jungeun has feelings for.

 

So, why? Why does Jungeun sleep with  _ absolute strangers _ but runs away when Jinsol stares at her for a second-too-long to be just platonic?

 

—

 

“Have you tried sleeping with her?” Sooyoung asks out-of-the-blue.

 

Jinsol’s head lifts from its position on her pillow, “No! What the hell kind of question is that?!”

 

She looks at her roommate, who’s sat on her bed opposite from Jinsol’s. Sooyoung shrugs, flipping through the book in her lap, “Maybe she’s just too scared to make the first move?”

 

“Jungeun? The scared one?” Jinsol raises an eyebrow in disbelief, “We’re talking about the same girl, right?”

 

Sooyoung sighs, “Maybe it’s different with you because she actually likes you?” she tries to reason, “I’m just tired of having to see you mope around all the time. If you make a move and she rejects you, then that’s that. You’ll be able to move on. If she reciprocates, then… well,” she lets out another shrug.

 

Jinsol huffs, letting Sooyoung’s words process in her mind. Jinsol as the one to make the first move…?

 

“I just don’t like seeing you hurt,” Sooyoung mumbles, writing something down in her notebook.

 

Jinsol feels her heart warm up at Sooyoung’s words. She tosses a pillow over to the girl, smiling.

 

“Thanks, Soo,”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” her roommate grumbles.

 

—

 

Jinsol sees Jungeun a week after the conversation she’d had with Sooyoung, and they quite literally  **bump** into each other.

 

“Jinsol! Hi,” Jungeun greets, taking a couple steps back as she closes the dorm room behind her. 

 

Jinsol takes a moment to process the situation. The dorm room Jungeun had just come out of was most definitely  **not** hers… so that means…

 

“Ah,” Jinsol nods slowly, “fun night?”

 

She tries not to let the bitterness seep through her words but Jungeun still flinches.

 

“I suppose,” she laughs awkwardly, “I’ll see you around?”

 

“Sure,” Jinsol replies numbly, “actually—” the blonde girl hurries out, “I’ll walk you to your dorm.”

 

“Oh?” Jungeun’s eyes widen, “It’s alright, you don’t have to—”

 

“I want to,” Jinsol cuts her off, “besides… I… I kind of need to talk to you. You don’t have any classes today, right?”

 

“No, I don’t,” Jungeun fidgets before nodding once, “okay, let’s go, then.”

 

-

 

Jungeun holds her breath when they near her dorm room door. Something in the air is tense between them and Jungeun thinks it’s because Jinsol’s been silent the entire walk across campus. 

 

They’re both lost in their own thoughts as Jungeun opens the door, walking in with Jinsol close behind.

 

What Jungeun  **doesn’t** expect is for Jinsol to take hold of her wrist, pulling her back and then pushing her towards the wall. Before Jungeun can ask what she’s doing, Jinsol’s lips are on hers and Jungeun’s eyes close instinctively as Jinsol’s left hand cups her nape and her right arm loops around her waist.

 

Jungeun’s body works with a mind of its own, lips sliding against Jinsol’s, trying to keep up with the fast pace that older girl’s set since the start. Her body goes into overdrive, hyper aware of the thumb that traces her jawline and the fingers that curl around her waist.

 

Pressed between the wall behind her and Jinsol’s body in front of her, Jungeun feels her whole body tingle and her head starts to get cloudy as Jinsol’s tongue swipes across her bottom lip.

 

The gasp that leaves her mouth is enough to snap Jungeun out of it, pushing Jinsol away by her shoulders.

 

“Jinsol,  **_stop_ ** ,” Jungeun orders breathlessly, keeping her hands on Jinsol’s shoulder, pressing against her despite their hips still touching, “what are you doing?”

 

“Making the first move,” Jinsol replies, just as out of breath as Jungeun. She presses her thumb against Jungeun’s cheek, moves a strand of hair away from Jungeun’s face, and her eyes are filled with so much love and hurt that it makes Jungeun’s breath hitch, “because  **you** wouldn’t.”

 

Jinsol leans in again but Jungeun turns her head and presses against the girl’s shoulders again, “ **Stop** .”

 

“Why?” Jinsol moves back but her eyebrows are furrowed, “You don’t want this?”

 

“We  **can’t** ,” Jungeun shakes her head, “ **_please_ ** ,  _ stop _ .”

 

Jinsol retracts her hands and takes a step back, leaving Jungeun’s body cold.

 

“Why not?” Jinsol’s voice is shaky, “You can do this with  **strangers** but you can’t with me?”

 

“That’s not it,” Jungeun frowns, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts, trying to stop her heart from racing. She needs to calm down—for  **both** of their sakes’. 

 

“I don’t want to have sex with you,” Jungeun says softly, feeling her stomach drop when Jinsol grabs at her hand, tightening her hold around Jungeun’s fingers.

 

“I don’t want to  **just** have sex with you, Jungeun,” she whispers as Jungeun opens her eyes, greeted by tears streaming down Jinsol’s cheeks and wide, hurt eyes staring back at her, “Jungeun, I—I love you.”

 

“ **Don’t** ,” Jungeun pulls her hand away, shaking her head, “Jinsol, stop.”

 

“Then say you don’t love me back,” Jinsol’s voice gets louder.

 

Jungeun pauses, eyebrows furrowing. She stares at the blonde girl in front of her, unable to take her eyes off of Jinsol’s sad, hopeless gaze.

 

“Say you don’t love me and I’ll back off,” Jinsol’s bottom lip quivers and she bites down on it.

 

“I…” Jungeun stammers. 

 

Jinsol’s the only thing in her life that hasn’t been tainted by this curse. She can’t drag Jinsol down with her. She doesn’t want Jinsol to suffer.

 

“I don’t love you,”

 

“You’re lying,” Jinsol lets out airily, “I know you’re lying.”

 

“I’m not,” Jungeun retorts.

 

Silence.

 

…

 

“Why are you lying, Jungeun?” Jinsol’s voice cracks when she says Jungeun’s name but it’s nothing compared to the crack that ripples through Jungeun’s heart. Jinsol has to choke down the sob that rips through her body, “I know you’re lying.”

 

“I’m not lying!” Jungeun snaps. Jinsol flinches back, eyes still boring into Jungeun’s. The younger girl wants to cry—but she knows crying will only worsen the state of mind Jinsol’s in so she keeps it to herself.

 

“I don’t love you,” she lies, willing herself to watch as Jinsol’s (already broken) face falls, “and I don’t want to have sex with you, either.”

 

And Jungeun’s torn between wanting Jinsol to believe her and wanting Jinsol to stay and fight for her. 

 

“You don’t love me,” Jinsol repeats, as if saying it outloud to herself will give her heart the energy to believe it. As much as Jinsol had believed there were signs of Jungeun loving her before, Jungeun’s eyes are void of any emotion now—cold and empty. Her chest starts to physically ache as the words run through her brain, hitting harder and harder each time.

 

“But…” Jinsol whispers, so quiet that Jungeun stops breathing to hear her. Jinsol stumbles back another step, clashing into the desk behind her, “but I love you.”

 

… 

 

Jungeun turns her gaze to the ceiling and blinks rapidly to get rid of the tears that built up upon hearing the heartbreaking sincerity in Jinsol’s voice. Jungeun loves her, too—more than Jinsol would ever be able to understand. Thankfully, Jinsol doesn’t notice—her eyes are on the ground, tears blurring her vision as her shoulders start to shake silently.

 

Jungeun struggles to keep her breathing calm as she steps closer to Jinsol, gently moving the girl to the side so she can pull the chair out and help the older girl sit. After grabbing some tissues, Jungeun kneels down in front of Jinsol, reaching for the hand she has clamped over her mouth to contain her cries.

 

“Here,” Jungeun says softly, pressing the napkins into Jinsol’s palms. Jinsol lowers her head, allowing her hair to create a curtain between her and Jungeun. There’s a hiccup in Jinsol’s breathing as she tries to calm down.

 

Jungeun stays knelt in front of her, placing her hand on Jinsol’s knee.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jungeun murmurs under her breath, which only makes Jinsol’s sobs become louder. She feels helpless, watching the girl she loves break down like this—but she can’t do much, not without giving away the truth.

 

So, she kneels and squeezes Jinsol’s knee, hoping that the hurt the blonde girl is in will pass by quickly. She hopes that Jinsol will forget about her quickly.

 

—

 

Jungeun transfers to a different college the next semester. 

 

Jinsol graduates four years later. 

 

They haven’t spoken since the kiss.

 

Six years pass.

 

—

 

Jinsol gets home after a long day at work and has only just walked through the threshold of her front door when her phone starts to ring. It’s an unknown number. She’s about to pocket her phone when she decides to just pick it up.

 

“Hello?” she answers, expecting to hear some random automated voice message.

 

Instead, she hears a soft voice.

 

“Hi, is this Jung Jinsol?”

 

“That’s me,” Jinsol responds, furrowing her eyebrows at the unknown voice. She takes her jacket off and tosses it on the couch, walking to the kitchen, “who is this?”

 

“My name is Kim Yerim,” the voice says, “I’m Jungeun’s sister.”

 

Jinsol nearly drops the cup of water in her hands. She places it on the counter shakily.

 

“Oh,” she replies, “why… why are you calling me? I haven’t spoken to Jungeun in nearly ten years.”

 

“She passed away,” Yerim says, causing Jinsol’s heart to skip a beat before starting to race, “it’s been a couple of weeks, actually.”

 

Yerim’s voice is shaky as she says this and Jinsol’s eyes are already starting to sting.

 

“I’ve been cleaning out her apartment and—and she left something for you,” Yerim clears her throat, trying not to start crying over the phone, “a whole  **box** of stuff, actually.”

 

“Is that so?” Jinsol trails off, gulping down the lump in her throat and staring blankly at the cup of water on the counter, “Do you mind if I ask how she passed?”

 

“She’s been sick with a rare disease ever since she was born,” Yerim answers, “it was only a matter of time before she’d pass.”

 

“I see…” Jinsol lets out a shaky breath, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

Yerim lets out a weak chuckle, “Thank you. Jungeun was a good sister to me,” she clears her throat again, “Anyway, I called so I can get your address—to mail you the box.”

 

“Oh, sure,” Jinsol replies, telling Yerim her address and then exchanging goodbyes with her.

 

When Jinsol hangs up the phone, she stands idly in the kitchen for a few minutes, just trying to process the fact that Jungeun’s… gone.

 

She had been gone from Jinsol’s life for  **years** but she was never…  **gone** . 

 

Jinsol had never resented Jungeun—she never had the heart to. She’d think about Jungeun every once and a while, hoping she was doing well and that she was happy. The last day they’d spoken to each other had been the day they’d kissed. 

 

Jungeun had given Jinsol one last hug before offering to walk her back to her dorm room. Jinsol had refused Jungeun’s offer and walked back herself, greeted by Sooyoung who held her as Jinsol cried the last of her tears.

 

Thinking about that day now, Jinsol’s flooded with emotions. She leans back on the refrigerator before sliding down to the ground, hands coming up to her face as she feels the love for Jungeun she’d buried for all these years resurface.

 

—

 

Jinsol stares at the cardboard box set on her living room table. Her car keys are in her hand and her heart’s thumping against her chest, scared of what’s inside the box. It’s been a couple weeks since Yerim’s call and Jinsol’s felt like she’s just moving through the motions. She’d told Haseul, her co-worker and close friend, about the situation and Haseul (being the kind soul that she is) offered to take up Jinsol’s shifts to give her time to rest.

 

When she had gotten home today and saw the box sitting on her front steps, she immediately called out of work the next day.

 

And now, she’s having a staring contest with the box.

 

She shakes her head and sighs—she needs to do this.

 

Moving forward, she shifts the box and rips the tape out with her keys, flipping open the cover and running her eyes over the content inside. There are a bunch of CDs, each labelled with multiple dates on them. There’s a black journal, too. Jinsol frowns, looking at all the CDs, scared to see what’s on them.

 

Looking at the dates, Jinsol starts to wonder… 

 

She begins pulling the CDs out of the box, laying them out on the table and trying to put them in chronological order. There are  **a lot** of CDs—Jinsol has to start stacking them on top of each other because her table’s too small to have them all laid out. When she finishes sorting them, she finds that they’ve gone back to nearly six years ago…

 

That means Jungeun’s started making these when they stopped talking.

 

Jinsol holds back on her tears as she pulls the journal out.

 

When she opens the front cover, Jinsol’s greeted to a dandelion taped to the first page.

 

The tears fall.

 

—

 

_ Jung Jinsol. _

 

_ That was a name that I’d known ever since I’ve arrived on campus. You were well-known for your looks but also for your personality. I’d only ever heard your name spoken of in a positive light—talking about how you were so smart yet so humble, talking about your kindness—and it intrigued me. _

 

_ You _ _ intrigued me. _

 

_ Those were one of the first words you’d ever said to me. Remember? The party.  _

 

_ I’m glad you got the guts to talk to me. Life was a boring rinse-and-repeat cycle for me and after meeting you, life got so much easier to bear. You made me happier in the long-run, even if we did end what we had so abruptly.  _

 

_ I never did get the chance to explain to you my reasonings for not loving you—for not openly loving you (because I’ve loved you for so long)—and I don’t think I ever will. _

 

_ However, if you’re reading this right now then you must have gotten the box. Which means Yerim did what I told her to do.  _

 

_ But this also means that I’ve died.  _

 

_ I’m not sure what Yerim will tell you about the cause of my death, but I hope after watching the CDs you are less confused. I explain everything much better in the videos I’ve made for you, so I won’t go into detail in this journal. _

 

_ That being said, I think you should start watching the CDs, my love. _

 

—

 

**CD #1 - Clip #1**

 

Jungeun sits in the darkness of her dorm room, the only lightsource being from the laptop in front of her. Her eyes are puffy and the color’s drained from her face, making her look exhausted beyond her years.

 

“I don’t really know what I’m doing right now,” Jungeun says into the silence. It’s so dark in her room. Jungeun reaches for her phone on her table and clicks it, checking the time, “it’s five minutes past three in the morning and I haven’t gotten any sleep.”

 

She sniffles and pushes her phone off to the side, focusing on the laptop’s camera in front of her, “You kissed me today… and you told me you loved me,” she sighs, running a hand through her messy hair, “I kissed you back, because I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long—but then I told you that I didn’t love you.”

 

“It’s a lie,” Jungeun says softly, “you knew I was lying, too. I do love you, Jinsol. I love you so much that I—” her voice cracks and she pauses, taking a couple seconds to regain her composure, “I need to show you something.”

 

She gets up from her seat and pulls her sweater over her head, leaving her in just a sports bra. Jungeun turns around and reveals the images of vines and leaves and flowers on her back. They wrap around her waist and disappear beneath the girl’s shorts, taking up almost every inch of skin.

 

“These aren’t tattoos,” Jungeun admits as she puts her sweater back on and sits back down, “they’re a byproduct of my disease. There isn’t an official name for the disease because it’s mostly died out but… I’m what people would call a ‘flower maiden’,” she pauses and sighs.

 

“What the fuck am I doing?” she stares at the camera for a second, just sitting in silence.

 

… 

 

She shakes her head, “I can’t do this.”

 

—

 

**CD #1 - Clip #2**

 

Jungeun’s sitting at the desk again, but this time the sun is shining through the window and she doesn’t look as broken anymore. Her hair’s done up in a neat ponytail and she’s wearing a simple baseball t-shirt.

 

She offers a small smile to the camera.

 

“It’s been a week since I last tried to… do whatever  _ this _ is,” she gestured vaguely to the laptop in front of her, “I wasn’t really in the right mind the first time I tried to record, so I want to try again—because I think you deserve an explanation from me…”

 

“I’m a flower maiden… so this basically means that I have some random flower—mine is a rose—assigned to me at birth. It grows on my skin and has been growing and growing ever since I hit puberty,” she points to her shoulder, “this isn’t just a tattoo—it’s what’s going to end up killing me in, like, ten years.”

 

She winces at her own words.

 

“Sorry, I should be more sensitive about this,” she lets out a shaky breath, “after all, you’re only seeing this because I’ve hit Full Bloom.”

 

“Full Bloom is the term for when the flower has finally taken over your body—when you’re going to die,” Jungeun explains, voice quiet, “I watched my mom hit Full Bloom when I was ten. Her last words to me were to apologize for setting me up with the same fate as her. She had me when she was young— **too young** —because her dream had always been to start a family. I guess she didn’t realize the disease would carry over to me since my father had no family history of it.”

 

Jungeun shakes her head, “Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble on about my mom,” she pauses, and then mumbles under her breath, “I don’t know why I’m apologizing.”

 

She clears her throat, “The thing about this disease is it’s only painful if you let it be painful,” she explains, “When you become an adult, you get these things called blooming cycles. These cycles are times in which the flower starts to grow and it hurts…  **a lot** . I’m not sure how else to describe it, really… I guess the closest thing would be being pricked and scalded by tiny needles that had been boiling in hot water.”

 

“It’s no fun,” she shakes her head, “and the only way to get rid of the pain is to have sex with another woman—or just another person who gives off estrogen or progesterone—which is why I sleep with so many people.”

 

Jungeun’s gaze flickers over to something off the side of her screen and her eyes widen.

 

“Oh, shit,” she grabs her phone, “I’m going to be late to class but I’ll finish this video as soon as I get back.”

 

—

 

**CD #1 - Clip #3**

 

“Okay, I’m back,” Jungeun huffs out a breath, “I don’t know why I’m saying this as if you’ve been waiting for me but— _ whatever _ ,”

 

“I was talking about the reason I sleep with people last time, I think… It soothes the pain of the blooming cycles and I’ve been doing it for so long it just feels like another thing that I  **have** to do,” she shrugs her shoulders, “the first day we met, actually, I was looking for someone to help me.”

 

“But then you came up to me, all ready to take me out to some ramen place, and I couldn’t find it in me to say no,” Jungeun smiles at the memory, “my skin felt like it was on fire but there was just something about you that pulled me in… your smile and laugh and just how kind you were… it was weird for me to experience something like that. You’re the first person I’ve ever  **wanted** to get to know.”

 

“Most people see me and think that I’m some bitch that only cares about sex and herself and—I mean, I guess that was true at one point—but you saw past that outer image…”

 

“You saw me as  **Jungeun** —and I can’t thank you enough,” she shakes her head sadly, “and I probably won’t ever be able to thank you because I broke your heart.”

 

…

 

“Because you were the only person, besides my family, to love me and bother trying to get to know me, I didn’t want to… taint you, in a sense,”

 

“This…” Jungeun points to her shoulder, sad eyes staring into the camera, “this fucking…  **disease** —it controls me, you know? It’s a… a monster, really—a bully—that forces me to get out late at night to control the pain that it brings me. It forces me to do this shit and I could tell it was already starting to hurt you… I could see the look in your eyes whenever you’d see me with someone else, Jinsol. I wasn’t blind, I… I wasn’t oblivious, I just… I— **_Fuck_ ** , I don’t know.”

 

“I don’t know. I never told you because I—I didn’t want you to see me as  **just** my illness,” Jungeun’s voice starts to tremble the more she rambled on, “I know you’re supposed to let the person you love see you at your worst, to let them see every part of you but… but I didn’t want to have you thrown into this shithole of my life. I wanted to keep you innocent—pure, I guess—because you were the only thing in my life I found worth protecting from these damn flowers.”

 

Jungeun leans back against her seat, shoulders slumped. She looks defeated.

 

“I saw you in the quad today…”

 

Her voice is softer now.

 

“You were joking around with your roommate and her girlfriend… You were  **smiling** .”

 

“I want you to smile and laugh like that always, and it’d be easier for you to do that if I was out of your life.”

 

… 

 

“I’ve spent so many nights thinking what would happen if I just told you—if I let myself be selfish one last time so I can spend the rest of my life with you—and every time I’ve ended up crying at the thought of having to leave you alone once I hit Full Bloom.”

 

“Sure, I would die happy, but I’d be leaving you alone. I didn’t want to do that—I  **don’t** want to do that. This disease has a fucking  **chokehold** on me, Jinsol. You don’t deserve to get roped into it, too. You deserve so much better. You— **_fuck_ ** .”

 

Jungeun lets out a quiet whimper as her head lowers. Her shoulders start to tremble as her hand reaches towards the laptop blindly, turning it off.

 

—

 

**CD #1 - Clip #4**

 

Jungeun’s not in her dorm room this time. She’s sitting at a picnic table all alone. She looks around and then looks back at the laptop’s camera.

 

“There’s a squirrel over there,” she points off-camera, “and— _ oh! It’s looking at me _ .”

 

She stares for a couple of seconds.

 

“ _ Go away, squirrel, _ ” Jungeun mumbles.

 

When the squirrel does go away, Jungeun gets refocused. She shifts in her seat and clears her throat.

 

“The last time I’ve recorded was a month ago,” Jungeun states as she dusts away some leaves on the table, “I was looking through the footage and…  **yikes** .”

 

She laughs a little.

 

“It still hurts whenever I think about you—but I’m getting better, I think. I don’t really know what else to tell you in these videos because I’ve already gave you the…  _ rundown _ ot the situation I’m in—but I find it comforting that you may or may not be watching these one day.”

 

A pause.

 

“Well— _ that _ and because I miss talking to you. In a sense, I’m talking to you right now, so…”

 

Another small laugh and a shake of her head.

 

“I sound like such a loser right now… I probably  **look** like one, too; sitting here in a park all alone, talking to the webcam on my laptop…  _ Jeez _ .”

 

…

 

“ **_Whatever_ ** . I need to tell someone about my day and you’ve always been the person I could go to. Anyway, today I…”

 

—

 

**CD #9 - Clip #5**

 

“I’m officially  _ moved in _ ,” Jungeun announces to her laptop, her voice echoing in the empty room, “the hallways here smell like shit but the rent is cheap  **and** it’s near my new school, so I’ll just have to light a bunch of candles, I guess.”

 

She’s sitting on the floor of what would be the living room, eyes scanning the cream-colored walls. She sits in silence for a moment before looking back at the laptop with a melancholy smile on her lips.

 

“I know I already said this a few videos back but… I still have mixed emotions about moving here…”

 

… 

 

“I think it’s for the best if I want to allow you to move on but, at the same time, I’m going to miss seeing you around campus.”

 

…

 

“ _ Wow _ , that makes me sound like a stalker.”

 

—

 

**CD #13 - Clip #5**

 

“I went to the pet store today because I haven’t been out in a while and I spent so long just looking at the fish. They remind me of you because I know you love them.”

 

—

 

**CD #16 - Clip #1**

 

“I hope you’re doing okay. I want you to be happy, always.”

 

—

 

**CD #25 - Clip #3**

 

“Jinsol, I miss you. It’s been years and I still fucking miss you.”

 

—

 

**CD #31 - Clip #2**

 

“Dandelions remind me of you. Did you know that? Usually I hate  **anything** that’s related to a flower but… but I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

 

—

 

**CD #42 - Clip #3**

 

“I’m going out with some friends today. I’m nervous but I know you’d be proud of me if I told you about this.”

 

—

 

Jinsol spends her whole night watching the CDs. She smiles and she cries and she laughs.

 

Most of all, she  **misses** Jungeun. 

 

Through her tears, she watches Jungeun talk animatedly to the camera whenever she’s had a good day and unknowingly finds herself nodding along and whispering replies underneath her breath. Sometimes, when the next clip is in the dark, Jinsol feels her heart break because she knows that Jungeun’s had a rough time that day.

 

She wishes that she could’ve been there for her.

 

(She wishes she could’ve  **properly** been there for her.)

 

—

 

**CD #58 - Clip #1**

 

Jungeun’s coughing up a storm as soon as she turns the camera on. She takes a sip of water and calms herself down, moving a strand piece of hair away from her face.

 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” she coughs, “I think it’s starting.”

 

…

 

“I called Yerim earlier today because something just… didn’t feel right. I think I only have a couple hours before the flower takes over.”

 

She gives the camera a small smile.

 

“The only comfort I have right now is talking to you.”

 

“I wasn’t going to record me going through this, because I don’t want you to see my like this, but I want to spend my last moments with you.”

 

“I’m going to allow myself to be selfish one more time, if that’s alright with you.”

 

“You can turn it off right here if you’d like. I just want to tell you something before you do.”

 

…

 

The breath that she takes in is trembling.

 

“I’m scared that I’ve forgotten how you look even though you’re always in my dreams… I’m scared that I’ve forgotten your smell because the sweater that you gave me lost your scent  **years** ago and your hugs are only something I can imagine feeling. I’m scared that… I’m scared that… that you might never see these videos and—and that you’d live the rest of your life  **cluelessly** hating me for leaving you.”

 

…

 

“I love you so much that it hurts, Jinsol.”

 

…

 

“I just want you to know that I love you, even if you hate me. And I want you to know that you deserve to be happy and to live the rest of your life doing things that make you happy.”

 

“The world  **needs** Jung Jinsol.”

 

She starts coughing again and a vine starts to creep up her neck.

 

“I’m going to end the video now,” Jungeun gasps out, reaching for the laptop. She stares into the camera, tears streaming down her face despite the gentle smile on her lips.

 

“I love you.”

 

—

 

Everything goes black and Jinsol’s left to stare emptily at her laptop screen. The noise of a car engine starting up outside sounds muffled to Jinsol’s ears as her vision blurs.

 

She lets out a choked sob as she brings up knees up to her chest, hugging them with her arms as she struggles to breathe. She’s been crying all night and day, she didn’t think she could cry anymore—but hearing Jungeun’s last words opened up a whole new dam.

 

“I love you, too,” Jinsol cries, shoulders shaking as the sobs racked her body.

 

-

 

The moon is out when Jinsol reaches for the journal she had left off to the side during the time she’d watch Jungeun’s videos.

 

She sniffles as she reaches for it, breath hiccupping. 

 

She opens to the next page after the front cover and blinks away oncoming tears as she sees two different dandelions taped to the pages.

 

Dates are written besides the dandelions as well as encouraging messages.

 

_ Take risks, Jinsol! I know you can do it. _

 

_ I believe in you. _

 

_ Put your health and your happiness above all. _

 

Jinsol smiles as she flips through the pages, each with its own dandelion taped there. On pages where there aren’t any, Jungeun had drawn them in.

 

Jinsol laughs because Jungeun  _ really can’t draw _ , and turns to the next pages. She wipes at her tears, not wanting them to fall and smudge the handwriting.

 

On multiple pages, all Jungeun had written was ‘I love you’.

 

When Jinsol gets to the last page Jungeun had taped a dandelion in, she notices that there are no words.

 

She gets up from her spot on the couch to grab a pen.

 

With a shaky hand, a small smile, and an ever-expanding love for the girl, Jinsol writes in:

 

_ I love you. _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me!
> 
> twitter: @sxftmelody  
> curiouscat: @sxftmelody


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